Aftershock
by Fanfiction911
Summary: John's conversation with Dutch while watching Old Town burn.


The room felt ice cold. She shivered as she rubbed her hands down her arms in a futile effort to get warm. She wanted to blame Lucy for turning up the environmental controls to near-freezing levels. She wanted to blame John for not trying to stop her from her dangerous pursuit of answers. She wanted to blame Davin for disobeying her direct order by stupidly following Khlyen at the Royale. But, in the end, sitting alone and freezing in the control deck of Lucy while Old Town burned, she knew that she was the one ultimately to blame for Davin's disappearance.

She had insisted they made "one last play." She had said no to just turning around and running. Even though her gut knew it was a bad idea, she had split them up. She had given Davin the assignment of proving Alvis's innocence. She had inadvertently given Davin permission to fight her battles when she didn't push him away. She was the reason he was in Khlyen's hands now. She hugged herself tighter. Her head and her heart felt like exploding.

"Hey," Johnny said quietly as he returned to the control deck from his room. He sensed a change in Dutch that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Hey," Dutch replied unmoving still staring out the main navigational window.

A long moment of silence passed as they continued to watch Westerley burn.

"He's a good solider," John reiterated.

"You said that already," Dutch replied emotionlessly.

"I know you're worried about him. I am too. But, Dav? He's as tough as they come," John said as his eyes begged her to turn and look at him. "When we were kids, he was always trying to protect me. From stupid bullies. From other kids. From our Dad."

Dutch turned to look at him. He took it as a sign of encouragement and continued.

John gave a sad, distant smile. "When I was 10, I won this award for my science project in school. I remember being so proud. The day I got the award, the class bully cornered me after school, punched me in the face, grabbed my award and ripped it to shreds right in front of me calling me a stupid science nerd."

"A stupid science nerd?" Dutch gave a small smile.

"Yeah, imagine that?" John returned the smile. "Anyway, I was no match for him so I just tucked my tail between my legs and ran home. My Dad asked about my black eye but I told him I ran into the door at school. He didn't believe me. He called me a weak loser. Then he started on me. Before I knew it, Dav came rushing out of nowhere, shoved me behind him and defiantly stood between my Dad and myself. He refused to budge. So, Dad started on him instead." John stopped the story abruptly and stared at a spot on the floor.

"Was it bad?" Dutch asked softly.

John looked up at her, shaking the memory free. "Yeah, it was," he said softly. "By the time he was through, Dav could hardly stand. There was nothing I could have done for him."

"You were only 10. What could you have done?"

"I don't know but something, you know?" John ran his hand though his hair in frustration. "The next day I come home from school, I find my science award on my bed. Someone had carefully matched the shredded pieces together and taped it back in one piece," John said with a smile.

"Davin." Dutch stated.

"Yeah, Davin. He never said anything about it. I never asked. A few days later, I hear in school that the bully who ripped my award to bits? He got the shit kicked out of him. When the school asked him to point out the attacker, he flat-out refused. The next day, he transferred out and I never saw him again."

Dutch smiled. "The Jacobi brothers," she said with a hint of pride and love.

John returned the smile and paused. "I promise we will find him, Dutch."

"I know. I know. I just hope it's not too late," she said as she absently hugged herself in comfort.

He took a quick breath as he watched her. He knew she needed to talk about it. It just surprised him how deeply the two of them had connected. At first he thought it was just maybe a one-sided fling. Davin doing what he did best, completely ignoring his warning and sleeping with his best friend. It was only in the past 24 hours that he allowed himself to see that maybe Dutch had more than casual feelings for his brother. He could see her reluctance to leave Davin alone while they traveled to Qresh. He could sense her growing urgency to return to Westerley to check on him. And he couldn't ignore her anguish when she gave the OK to take off without him as the bombs fell on Old Town.

Closing his eyes for a second, John steeled himself for a conversation he prayed he would never have to have with her. "You have feelings for him." It was more of a statement than a question.

Dutch turned to face him. "He's a part of our team, Johnny. He's your brother. He's family. Of course I have feelings for him."

He shook his head. "No, not like that."

She paused as she met his eyes. She knew what he was asking or rather stating. "I know what you mean, Johnny."

"And?"

"And I don't know what my feelings for him are right now," Dutch replied honestly.

John let out a breath of air he was holding. "Look, this may not be the best time to talk about this. He's my brother, you're my best friend. I'm not completely ... comfortable with the fact that you two ... slept together."

"Johnny ...", Dutch started.

He held up his hand to stop her from continuing. "It happened. I'm dealing with it. You need to too. You need to face your fears head-on. You can't go rushing into this until you can get your head on straight."

"Excuse me?" Dutch replied slightly offended.

"I know you Dutch. Six years I haven't seen you like this with anyone. Aside from me, you never let anyone see the real you. You two have been through some stuff that I can't even comprehend. You guys connect on a level that I can't relate to. That's fine. I'm not jealous, really. I love you both. All I'm saying is that you can't let the fear take over. If you really think Khlyen's got Dav, then we, especially you, have got to get your game face on. He needs us right now."

Johnny reached out and squeezed her shoulder in comfort.

"I'll be in the aft deck checking on Pree and the others if you need me," he said resolutely.

Dutch nodded in agreement.

John stopped himself by the door. "You know what?"

Dutch turned to him. "What?"

"If you ask me, I think he needs you just as much as you need him," he said quietly.

Dutch watched as John disappeared down the ladder to the lower deck.

"I know," she said quietly. "That's what I'm afraid of."


End file.
